“I’m Good, We’re Good, Everything’s Good”
by brooke carnes
In the movie “Inside Out” the character Joy doesn’t quite understand the purpose of the other main characters, Anger, Fear, Disgust and Sadness. Joy spent the majority of her time and energy attempting to control every detail of her environment. At one point she is seen running around with an arm full of balls, each representing a major area of life, trying desperately not to drop any. Joy didn’t grasp the value the other characters brought to the situation. She didn’t see the importance of knowing or being known by the others. She didn’t know how to live life on life’s terms.
I can relate to Joy. I have spent the majority of my life trying desperately not to let anyone see the “real” me. It was my mission to make sure that my life was perfect, or at least appeared that way. This also meant that my children needed to be perfect. I was getting pretty good at proactively spotting trouble ahead and putting safety precautions in place. Nothing was going to harm me or my perfect little family because I was in control. Or at least nobody would know if it did.
I couldn’t fathom the idea of people knowing that I struggled with surrendering my will over to God. I couldn’t let people know I lived in “what if” fear. I couldn’t tell anyone that I cried last night because I hadn’t had a minute to myself all day, and I felt guilty for wanting it. The idea of being known by others was terrifying.
I finally reached the point of exhaustion where I knew that I could no longer live life on my terms. I needed to make changes to how I was thinking, how I handled stressful situations and stop living in fear or “worst case scenario” mentality. I was ready to surrender all of it over to God and luckily for me, He waited patiently for me to get there. When I finally came before God and humbly asked Him to take me, my children, our finances, our future…everything into God’s loving care He said to me, “Brooke I have been caring for you this entire time. My yolk is easy, and My burden is light, My child.”
By the end of the movie, Joy has discovered the importance of each character. They become accountable to each other. They love and accept each other where they are. Joy learns that living life on life’s terms, not her own, is more peaceful. My life isn’t perfect. At times it’s a hot mess. But just like Joy, I have a community that helps me live authentically. I can call a person in this community and share an irrational fear, vent about a rotten day and even ugly cry and they will love me anyhow. I really hope you have a community like that. I found mine at the 180 Xchange.